We must all face the choice between what is right and what is petty. (source)
“My roommate kept using all my baby wipes and toothpaste, wouldn’t replace them, and just told me to hide it if I didn’t want him to use it. A couple days ago he said he has a girl coming over and would like to get some action and leave him alone. About an hour before she came over I pretended to leave for the night, and five minutes later I snuck back in while he was making dinner for the both of them.
“I hid in my room knowing that at some point in the night she would ask to use the bathroom, and I needed to take a shit. So 45 minutes goes by and she arrived and I am just waiting. About two hours after she gets there I hear him go take a piss. AH perfect! He went first!
“Now time to take a big fat fucking shit. I run into the bathroom and crap as quiet as I possibly can. A huge load. And I don’t flush or put the lid down. I go back to my room and wait. Exactly 28 minutes go by and whoooop, there she goes, into the bathroom.
“She was in there for exactly six seconds and came out. Seven minutes later she leaves. Guess who isn’t getting any pussy.” – Nerdinater